The following testimonial is also an excerpt from my book and given with the kind permission of the client in question.
I will always remember what Erika called her “eureka moment”.
“After sorting out some of the issues that I felt were dragging me down or holding me back in life, it was time to tackle one of the main problems that had been niggling me since my teenage years – my inability to select a good partner. In my twenties I’d brushed it off as not wanting to settle down (thinking back I was possibly kidding myself even with that statement) but when I reached thirty this stated to get me down – why did I choose these losers. I actually cringe when I think of some past relationships – what was I thinking?
During one session Vicki and I began discussing ‘wish lists’ and she asked me what was on my ‘list’ when it came to my ideal partner – I realized I couldn’t answer her, I didn’t have a clear list of the qualities required by my ideal partner – either written on paper or simply stored in my mind, the only thing I could think of was pathetically that they ‘fancied me’.
Reflecting back now I can see that this started in my early teens, I was an awkward shy teenager, I never seemed to fit in with the cool crowd of girls and none of the boys ever asked me out. Then on a school trip to Newcastle, I ended up being kissed by one of the boys. Until that moment I’d never even considered him as attractive…….. then when he showed a slight interest in me, it was almost as if I was proving to the rest of the group ‘look – he finds me attractive, I’m normal!
I regarded my status within the female popularity ranks as pretty low, I felt I was just marginally above the ‘weird’ kids that didn’t talk to anyone. l therefor it kind of made sense that I should be grateful that another being should find me attractive and that my attraction to them naturally came second; I had been brought up with a ‘not to think above yourself’ and ‘be grateful for small things’ mentality. So in terms of a “list” – them fancying me – was the only requirement, I should feel lucky that somebody does.
So this started a chain of terrible relationships – guys who drank, used drugs, ones with extensive baggage from past relationships, lads who had dead end jobs, no jobs, one guy who beat me up (difficult one to break as usually when he was begging forgiveness for his actions, his adoration for me increased) sadly also a few men who were married / in relationships– the prize here of course was the fact that plain old me – low on the popularity rank had managed to ‘steal’ a partner from somebody far higher up the chain, obviously I was the winner there………. But they all fancied me at the start of the relationship and that’s all I was asking for wasn’t it?
My poor parents………..
Vicki gave me set me the task of rewriting my ‘wish list’ and from there on things started to change – I started to value myself, realized that I was allowed to ask for better things and I questioned myself as to what I wanted; I wanted children, I wanted a man who had good values, I wanted stability, I wanted somebody to fit in with my family.
Don’t get me wrong – I took a few wrong turns after that but I then managed to identify problems quickly and deal with them – if I went on a date with somebody then found they didn’t match the requirements of my list, I didn’t sleep with them, I didn’t take them to my works night out or cousins 21st or even sign off Christmas cards with their name (why did I do this anyway??!– such was my desire to be seen as part of a ‘couple’ obviously) I just ended it there and continued in my quest to find Mr. Right who matched my list and eventually I found him – honest, funny, great father to our children, adored by my own family and if I squint my eyes when he is wearing sunglasses he does look like bit like Kelly Jones from the Stereophonics even if that’s just in my own head”
Thanks for sharing that Erika – and as you and I know, in your head is the only place where it matters!
Erika did find her happy ever after, she is a lovely young woman now helping others realise that they too are more, just to stop and take a moment to think, to ask – what is it you really want?
The above testimonial is also an excerpt from my book and given with the kind permission of the client in question.