“Good relationships help to heal depression, prevent heart disease and even slow the HIV virus. We evolved as relationship-forming creatures, genetically geared to live in interdependent hunter-gatherer bands. While we can’t return completely to the hunter-gatherer lifestyle, any more than Wilma can start clubbing Fred over the head again, we can each form circles of caring, supportive relationships around us.
Positive relationships help reprogram the brain by stimulating new neural connections. In fact, research suggests that a nurturing relationship can even undo the neural damage resulting from childhood trauma by stimulating neurogenesis, or cell growth. The more often these neural pathways fire together, the more easily they wire together. So the more you do it, the easier it will become”.
So it goes without saying that if there is a problem in one of your major relationships it will have a knock on effect on everything in your life.
Relationship problems can be complicated and can come in many forms – sexual problems; unhappily single and more. However because at some level we are all indeed connected, it is usually the case that when my client makes changes, everything else just falls into place.
The following testimonial is an excerpt from my book THE ME I WANT TO BE, given with the kind permission of the client in question.
Another client, Jayne, had been in a wrangle with very close family for ten years. The situation was one that quite honestly would piss anyone off. I could see why she found it outrageous. She was in a royal rage. The day I fed it all back to her, I thought she was going to walk out. Luckily, I know how to dodge bullets. She came back.
The first steps of her journey to forgiveness was writing it all out. She did this herself and together we released the hurts of her childhood. They were the same scenarios, issues and feelings that caused the big falling-out. She felt lighter with each step. Eventually, I won her around to writing a letter. At first she was resistant to even write one that she could burn later, it was so difficult for her. The situation had festered so badly for a long time – ten years during which she had met, fallen in love with and married her life partner, had two beautiful children, all without the love and support of her extended family. All done with heavy heart, and carrying a burden that was never hers in the first place.
Eventually, she wrote the letter, and in this case (and much to my surprise), decided to send it. Neither of us expected a response, and a response was not forthcoming. But she got her own response: from that moment on she was free. She started to enjoy her life and enjoy the family members she did connect with. She introduced her young children to ALL the family; it was up to them if they wanted to be silly buggers. Her children would know ALL their family and their roots including “so-and-so the grumpy git” and “such-and-such the control freak,” and “Uncle Whatshisname the family drunk”. The kids would discover and realise these things for themselves. My client would never have to face their questions when they got older; they would know. She attended big family events with her head held high, no burden upon her, guilt gone. She had created and then worked for her own little family; she’d done nothing wrong; she, most importantly, was no longer a victim. When you let go of guilt and you will even free yourself from fear. So are you ready to forgive? Here’s what my client did.
She remembered the offenses with all their horror and wrote them out. This can be painful, but you have all the tools you need. You can do it. We have to feel to heal, and you cannot forgive what you refuse to remember. So even if it is painful, remember what happened, acknowledge it,, then write or talk it out. Release the emotional charge; use the Golden Flame in the Temple of the Heart. Acknowledge, accept and recover that part of you that was lost, and bring that part of you back into the now. See the person you were or simply imagine that energy coming back into your field. Be patient; keep the energy of freedom of spirit and peace of mind in your heart.
It was when we got to that stage that my client made the conscious decision to forgive, although just a few weeks before she could not even imagine that this would ever happen. At first she simply stated the intention: I intend to forgive and I release myself and everyone else concerned.
We did other work along the way, and in the end she used an adaptation of a forgiveness technique I was given by Helen Belot, my Sekhem teacher who was the first person to drive home to me the importance of forgiveness. She said that when you can forgive the one that has hurt you most, then you truly have arrived.
The above testimonial is also an excerpt from my book and given with the kind permission of the client in question.